Sometimes Being an Activist is Wearing a Giant Vagina on Your Head, and Sometimes It’s Not

The STD Project A friend of ours just posted an image of President Trump in the White House with Jesus standing behind him, ostensibly helping him sign a document… Never mind that, not surprisingly, Jesus is depicted in the typical Westernized way: as a white guy with shoulder-length brown, hipster hair and a mustache. What’s more important is that Jason and I have subsequently watched the woman who posted the image get attacked, somewhat mildly compared to other attacks I’ve recently seen online, but attacked, none the less.

That image, her response, and how swiftly she was rebuked, has me feeling all the feels today. Everything happening politically has been weighing heavily on my heart, and today I finally feel as though my perspective might be relevant, albeit mostly personal, but as it relates to The STD Project as well….

This will come as no surprise to most, but from a strictly personal standpoint, I am not a huge fan of the image that was posted, our president, or much of the political decisions being made in Washington DC over the past week (and then some) – so much so that if often enrages me, and I plan to activate: to begin voting in elections other than the presidential race, along with working toward a plethora of other suggestions which have been made that showcase the ways we can get more involved politically. I see myself at fault for this mess too – I’ll shoulder some of the blame for my complacency and the privilege I enjoy, for sure! But that’s not the point. If you gather anything from the rest of what I’m about to say, gather this: hatred, name calling, bullying, and judgements across any space on any platform is NOT ok now, and will never be ok in my home, in my business, on my website, or in any other format where I’m present.

I can believe in your right to the freedom of speech, but I do not have to participate in it, and that doesn’t make me a coward, wishy-washy, or whatever else you want to add to that list.

Conservative Folks Sharing Their Perspectives Thoughtfully

Back to my husband’s friend – she posted the image, and despite all of the rebuttals and poignant questioning she received, she maintained her composure, backed up her opinion with scripture (that can be a slippery slope, of course, because some people twist scripture to suit their narrative, but she did so thoughtfully and without malice), and she remained respectful and loving throughout. Her post got reported and deleted several times, but she reposted it and continued to answer questions with poise. I am impressed by her approach, and I think it speaks volumes to what is possible if we stop projecting our anger and hate on everyone else.

Attacking Opposing Politics and Infighting

I have seen so many posts attacking the other side, along with a fair share of infighting, and none of it accomplishes anything productive.

The women’s march was rebuked by other women, stating that those who wore vaginas on their heads were classless – lest I remind you that true class does not degrade others and does not need to point out those who they think are lower than them. To address that ugly post and how silly it is, the women who were mentioned as being offended by such an image, the ones in severely impoverished areas, aren’t able to see that image anyways (they don’t have access to media, among other things like adequate healthcare, a legal system that supports them, food/water/housing/basic needs, energy, and so on). So stop pretending to be all about those women when you are steeped in your own privilege. I digress.

The women who marched were fighting for those women’s rights as well, regardless of whether you liked their methods. Did you know that the recent gag order on abortions hurts the overall health of women in those other countries far more than it does women here? Anyways, if you didn’t support the women’s march and you are a woman, that doesn’t make you a crap person – share your differing viewpoint in an educated and respectful way; I for one, am interested in hearing what those who believe differently than I do have to say. I’m sure I’m not alone.

But calling someone names is neither educated, thoughtful, or respectful, and it does nothing to further your cause.

Then, there are the liberals saying that those who didn’t protest, march, or otherwise loudly voice their opinions are failing at life. And while I’ll bear some of the responsibility of where our country is currently, because I know I could have done more, I am not failing at life or failing at being a liberal, or even a decent human being, for that matter, because I didn’t wear a giant vagina on my face – I totally would if it made sense for me to do so or even if it didn’t make sense, I don’t actually care that much about giant face-framing vaginas (I have no shame). But that’s also not the point.

Why I Didn’t Protest or March

I didn’t protest or march, because I’m dealing with a shit ton (technical term) of personal drama and attacks. Shout out to the person – you know who you are and so do I, the people you contacted, and so many others – who tried to get me fired! Apparently, you didn’t read this letter about the last time someone attempted that kind of thing. You aren’t as unique of a snowflake as you thought. When will you understand that you can’t take away my degrees, my awards, my career, my achievements, or my ability to continue helping others – those are all things I’ve earned and will continue working toward. You won’t stop me, and the next person won’t stop me.

Move along.

Aside from the aforementioned dumbness, I’m also enjoying a lot of lovely personal moments that I’ve been relishing in: moving across the country, marriage, an expanding family, etc.

In any case, I believe there are many ways to activate and to become an advocate, and dictating that those who do not do things exactly as you would have them makes you no better than the bigots, hypocrites, and bullies. Stop it. Just stop.

Do you instead. Do you fabulously, unapologetically, and with all your energy and intention. The rest will follow. That goes for you too, stalker lady. One day you’ll all see that I just want to see you happy and thriving – happy and thriving folks don’t have time to try and ruin someone’s life – operative word being try, of course – because they’re too busy changing the world and taking names.

Being an Activist Takes Many Forms

On The STD Project, we tell all of our readers that they don’t have to “come out” in a dramatic way, like I did, to advocate for themselves, the sexual health of others, and to be an activist. Sometimes, being an activist is having patient, educated, respectful, and thoughtful conversations with loved ones at home. Sometimes, being an activist is wearing a giant vagina on your head.

You do you, and if that doesn’t include name-calling or bashing someone else, then I’m all for it, and you have a supporter in me.

Have You Stopped to Think about Why You’re Deleting People?

Then there are the people stating ‘fuck you’ entirely to anyone who disagrees and deleting anyone who didn’t vote their way. I get the animosity – honestly, I do – and feeling nearly the same way lately has stopped me from posting much at all about politics, aside from liking and supporting the posts I think are thoughtful or in good taste – because I needed time to chew on things and develop my own opinion. I get the fear, the disbelief, the helplessness, and the confusion…. But what good are any of those feelings and your heated statements without true, concrete action? What are you proving when you make those broad-swooping declarations, other than you are [at the time] unreasonable and unwilling to listen to what anyone else has to say?

Side note: this does not apply to those who feel unsafe in taking any action. In no way do I assume that everyone can activate or feels safe doing so. As I said before, activism takes many forms, and sometimes in its simplest form, activism means being an advocate for and protecting yourself in whatever way you deem necessary. I/we support that.

There’s a menagerie of folks who can’t have a thoughtful, educated, respectful discussion with one another when it comes to this stuff, so expend your resources working with those who can. And then there’s some people you simply must delete and get out of your life, because they were just acquaintances anyways, and/or they are hateful. But don’t become one of them.

As hard as it is, I believe you are bigger than that. Completely trashing a best friend or a close family member, because they disagree? Nonsense. I don’t think you are required to keep all friends and family in your life forever, but I ask you to consider if you’re deleting them as a knee jerk reaction to the pain, animosity, frustration, and helplessness you’re feeling or because they are truly toxic. If they latter is true, delete, delete, delete, baby! But if not, all of this can be done differently.

Caveat – in no way am I the bastion of always handling disagreements perfectly and with the highest decorum – however, I do have a recent example of why I am not jumping on the let’s hate everyone who didn’t vote for Hilary ship.

I Love and Support People on Both Sides

Take my step-mother and father in-law, for example…. They and I have very differing political views – from the start, we both knew this, but they love me anyway, and I love them very much too. We’ve had a few discussions how we appreciate and respect that we can have opposing views, and we can talk about them with one another when we feel called to do so, if we are certain that we are doing so with love, respect, and thoughtfulness in mind.

Just last week, they took me to dinner – their tattooed, shaved head, liberal daughter-in-law. They are not ashamed that I’m what some might consider a bit radical, and I’m not ashamed to love people who voted differently than I did.

Does some of the opposing view, baffle me entirely? Yes. Am I frustrated beyond eloquent words at the things I’m seeing done and the actions being taken by the other party? Most definitely. But as long as there are folks I love on both sides, I’m going to do my best to refrain from making statements about entire groups of people, and I’m going to take each person and situation as they come to me.

I’m also going to activate! I’m going to do more, because I could have done more. But that more isn’t generalizing giant swaths of people. I hope you stop doing that too.

The STD Project is [mostly] Bi-Partisan

At The STD Project, we are bipartisan for a reason.

I mean, sure, if you do any googling and look me up specifically, it’s not a big secret that I’m usually quite a liberal person. But not all my beliefs are liberally inclined, and even though I tend to err on the side of liberal ideas, I respect the thoughtful, educated opinions of others. Are you noticing a trend here?

There’s a way in which to have opposing views and to share them productively, and then to expand on them and activate, to become an advocate. Or you can continue calling people names and spewing hate…

As much as I understand where you’re coming from, from an emotional standpoint, because I have frustration in my heart too, I want to conscientiously choose an alternative approach.

And especially on The STD Project, we can’t afford to do be one-sided. Actually, I do my best to be as ‘Switzerland’ about everything as possible. That in and of itself upsets people. I’ve received many messages saying, ‘but Jenelle, you should fight these people or speak out against these people, or why don’t you agree with us’, etc. It’s not that I agree or disagree.

I am in the business of helping people – as many people as possible – and I must put that first.

Even so, sometimes I share and reference the more diametric opinions of others when I think they’re done in a well-supported and thoughtful way, but other times, I am just not sure it serves the greater purpose, so I choose to wait on it and think about it a bit. It doesn’t mean I’m your opponent; it means I’m doing my best to think critically and to consider all angles.

Welcoming Differing Viewpoints

Regardless, I will always welcome the viewpoints of those that might differ from my own. Because all kinds of people contract STIs/STDs, we want to make sure our space is a safe, educational resource for everyone – no matter how you voted or whatever else you believe.

From a practical perspective, we’re likely to support a lot of liberal platforms, because they often come equipped with provisions that advocate for inclusive, comprehensive sexual health. However, that does not limit the organizations we will work alongside.

We will always support the work of organizations and individuals who advocate for inclusive, comprehensive sexual health – education, prevention, and treatment. If that happens to include your more conservative organization, or you as an individual, then that’s fabulous, and I think there’s a space for you here. Your voice is as important as mine is because you will appeal to those who come from a more conservative background but who find themselves recently diagnosed with an STI/STD. So, welcome! Please reach out to me, as I’d be happy to work with you.

The short of the long is that at The STD Project, we are always happy to exchange dialogue and respectful, educated, and thoughtful ideas with any one from any walk of life or corner of the world.

The End

The same is true in my personal life, in my home, when it comes to my children, friends, family, you name it. If you can reserve your judgements, name calling, and hatred for a moment, I think there’s an opportunity for productive conversation, networking, collaboration, and support.

I’ll never be down with your hate, your generalizations, your assumptions, your projected anger, or simply anything that does not involve you getting off the couch, off of your phone and making a difference.

Worry about yourself first – are you being respectful, providing a unique perspective, can you substantiate your opinion with vetted facts and resources, and do your words uplift an idea/event/action? If you said no to any of those, act instead of providing yet another cruel comment or angry voice in a sea of cruel comments and angry voices. You’re not making anything better. If you said yes to those questions, then you, you thoughtful, respectful, and loving individual [or organization] are always welcome here.

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Did this post upset you? Have you experienced similar hate toward your infection or your life choices? Do you think these actions are caused by stigma? Share your thoughts in the comments section below!